I hate puppies.

This is my entry for aborto's awesome contest...

Leader

Razorback


Spiderman's eternal rival, Razorback is the most powerful enemy ever made, the perfect nemesis, the duke of pain, Razorback has the joint powers of a boar, Zeus and a trucker; truly a infernal alliance, Razorback once was a normal trucker, until his sister went missing and he decided to beat the crap outta everyone he may possibly encounter someday.

He's in my team for his pure raw power, he can give electric shocks from his wild-boar cow headpiece, shocks strong enough to kill the pansy Spiderman or even immobilize for two second the manly Spy, but his main power come from his redneck heritage , he's incredibly super strong (like any trucker, if you're unsure about this , I have three words for you: Over the Top) and, like any trucker he can drive anything, from a 1890 steam powered car to a SR-71 Blackbird super jet, and he also has a super truck that drives itself and is equipped with laser guns, homing missiles and super engines; also, he can repair anything in seconds!

A normal battle with Razorback goes on like that: our boar powered anti-hero rushes at his opponent in his super truck, then he jumps out of his super rig and starts punching/electrifying his opponent while his truck cover him with a volley of bullets, after approximately fifteen seconds the unlucky bastard will not only be dead, but he'll also look like a anorexic Jaba the Hutt.

Loyal Companion

Bang Shishigami


Fu-Rin-Ka-Zan !

Is any further explanation needed? Well, just in case, here you go: Bang is a trained ninja (and you can't argue about the awesomeness of ninjas) ,but unlike his pussy companions of games like Tenchu, he doesn't use "stealth" or any idiocy like that, instead he fights with his MANLINESS, using his flaming fists of LOVE to deliver great JUSTICE to his unfortunate rivals, he also has a whole clan of trained ninjas, but they're just for show really, Bang can do anything alone, well, not really alone, he's always in company of his manliness and Miss Litchi's boobs ...

All of his super awesome moves are a simple distraction, when things get serious he conjures the power of Hironobu Kageyama activating the four gates of awesomeness : Fu-Rin-Ka-Zan (Japanese kanjis for love, justice, manliness and even more manliness, that's a fact, I discovered it with journalism, using science!), in the super mode of super modes he turns into the avatar of macho, teleporting his way to victory in such a way that would make Colonel Jack O'Neil jealous!

His standard battle strategy is rushing down at his opponent with his furious fire endowed fists of great justice, taking a break to trow kunais with multiple effects: from poison to spider webs; also part of his arsenal of love are his powerful teleporting throws and lion faced double palm punches, complementing nicely his already powerful punches creating a lovely degradé of martial artist fury, stacking fiery attacks one after another until he creates a messy half eaten by starving gorillas blood topped cake out of his opponents face!

Janitor

Scribblenaut's boy-rooster thingy (or Maxwell, if you're a boring person)


First let's get one thing straight: I mean janitor in the best meaning possible, because there's no fucking way anything could possibly dream of surviving Razorback or Bang Shishigami, let alone both of them, so I thought : "Who's going to clean the army of anorexic Jaba the Hutt lookalikes and messy half eaten by starving gorillas blood topped cake looking faces? And just for laughs, if there's something superior to this dynamic duo, who can top something that strong? "

The answer couldn't be more simple: Scribblenaut's boy-rooster thingy! That beast in infant disguise is as top tier as anything can be, he only has one power: HE CAN MOTHERFUCKING SUMMON ANYTHING OUT OF THIN AIR AND THEN CONTROL IT AS HE WISHES! He can clean the corpses of his team's enemies in seconds and you know what? He's the true leader; like any janitor, he secretly manipulates everything to fulfill his dark agenda of death, slowly moving the pieces in the great puzzle of the universe until there's nothing that isn't under his tyrannic government of universal scale, think Star War's Palpatine times a thousand!

His normal attacks would be summoning God.

he stops doing bad memes .

1- My father's a gamer , and even though he's getting into his 50s he hates Retro games and play FPSs daily ( he's strange , he has alway been a PC gamer but hates RTSs and just play "shooters without complications" as he says , wich is just a excuse to hold down the fire button and don't aim)

2- I take KoF over SF anyday

3- I look exactly like the dude sitting in a box on the middle of Guile's stage in SF2THR but wth bigger eyes

4- I got to know Destructoid by Collete's participation in Screwattack's Hard News

5- Megaman 2 is my favorie game of all time

6- Even though I'm from Brazil , I'm terrible at dancing , I hate going to the beach , I think soccer is one of the worst sports ever made and I'm not black

7- Until 3 or 4 years ago my only source of gaming news was Gamespot and the brazilian equivalent of Nintendo Power

8- South Park and Supernatural are the only reasons I watch TV

9- My best friend once tried to kill me with a knife because I touched in the robot dog his grandfather gave him 8 years ago ( his grandfather died 5 years ago )

10- My mother has a moustache

And now my pants are wet .